How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
