I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
