I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
