You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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