you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
