he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
