I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
