Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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