Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
