none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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