then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
