you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
