I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
