my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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