Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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