I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
