We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
vagina is talking i cant
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
