I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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