Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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