ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
