Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
