So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
