I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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