Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
