On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
