After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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