turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
