NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The air was thick with penises
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
