4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I look better un-naked...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
