Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
