If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
