another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
