Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
