Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
