would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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