At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
