why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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