yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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