You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
