you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
