And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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