I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
