Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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