someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
