So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
