I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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