it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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