I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
