His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
