Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
