3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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