I just saw a hot homeless man
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Text me some of your sweat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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