I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize