is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
