is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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