the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
