2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
