I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
