Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
