dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
