I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
