I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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