She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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