i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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