I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
