i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
