I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
