I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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