This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
