My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
