my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
