I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
