It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Congratulations! We have a period
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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