my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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