Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
birth control should be required to get into college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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