So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
