So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize