There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
