She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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