i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
