Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
