If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
