dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
