im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
two words: eviction party
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
