you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
