She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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