As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
