Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
