You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
