The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
