sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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