Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...

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(856): View more from New Jersey

dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

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(360): View more from Washington

Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.

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(815): View more from Illinois

She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.

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(302): View more from Delaware

you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..

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(858): View more from California

Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there

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