When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
