Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
