puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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