New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
