she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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