She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
