I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
