mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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